Accepting Loss (But Not Well)

[Dubski]

Toshiko Ito was battling hard in the snow-covered arena. She didn't appear to have any different clothing on for the elements--instead just in a traditional black gi and tape on her hands and feet. The sweat stuck to her brow, frozen almost as soon as each drop escaped her pores. She had blood coming from her nose, and she felt a cut opened up above her eye, being the only respite of warmth from the freezing elements around her. She hadn't allowed her opponent to come away without any damage either though, having managed to swollen her lip and leaving a scrape on her forehead. Her opponent wore white, mostly to distinguish them.

But Toshiko yelled as she took another step forward, launching a strike at her opponent. She couldn't feel her hands. It took effort to close her fingers, and she was fortunate that her feet were frozen too, as it made the cuts on the bottom of them more tolerable. Ito threw punches, kicks, and then finally went for a big roundhouse kick. But as she rotated, a kick from her opponent swept out from her. Ito landed hard with a yell, and then a punch came to her cheek immediately after. And after that, she felt her arm be grabbed, twisted, and then a foot on the side of her head. There was no escaping it, and she knew full well any attempts would lead to further damage. And yet, Toshiko was ready to try something--anything to escape.

"Enough," came a man's booming voice. After a couple moments, her arm was released and Toshiko curled inward slightly, holding it as she bitterly looked at the snow-covered stone below her. She couldn't remember what was said, but she remembered the look as she glanced up at the man. Disappointment, resentment, and possibly worse of all, the immediate disinterest after his eyes left her own.

And then a yell came from a blonde girl as she lay on the wrestling mat. Suddenly jarring Toshiko Ito from a trance. She held the girl in an arm lock, and her foot was pressed against the side of her head. The girl was tapping on the mat with her free hand and shouted. "I give! I give!"

Toshiko's eyes widened for a moment as there was a bit of a crowd forming and another girl shouted at her. "She gave up! What's wrong with you!?"

And Ito would then release the blonde abruptly and step away. She was already not terribly well-liked in this gym--mostly for reasons of being entirely too rough with any sparring partners she had, being rather off-putting to talk to, and just all around creeping people out. This certainly didn't help any of that now. It was just another in a long string of valid excuses for the looks she received. Toshiko kept her eyes on the blonde and then muttered, "I am sorry." And then the Japanese striker would hurriedly walk out of the ring as people parted for her to go through, talking to themselves.

Toshiko was frustrated, and angry, and her pace and expression made that very clear as she headed to the locker room, starting to quickly change. She couldn't believe what happened in that spar. A strike she should have dodged. A hold that could have ended things sooner. A whiffed kick that she hesitated for just a split second on. All things she did wrong. All unacceptable. The embarrassing trance she was in paled in comparison--it didn't have anything to do with her performance. And it was a performance, despite handily beating this girl, was lacking to her.

She needed to do better. She had to do better. After suffering her first loss to Amy Evans not too long ago, it was all Ito could think about. She was incensed by the failure. Toshiko was weak. She didn't deserve any of these opportunities. She was pathetic. All negative thoughts that could be derived from that loss, she had said back to herself. She couldn't ever allow it to happen again.

And as Toshiko had started to pile her things into her bag, she paused when she grabbed her phone, ready to throw it in her bag as well, when she noticed a notification from "Vivi", an affectionate shorthand of her girlfriend, Viviana Accera. Not long ago, she had changed it from a less formal name to a more playful one she had begun adopting to her. A side effect of her becoming so close to Viviana was melting down her stiff layers. She got ready to open her phone to look at the text, but she hesitated. Closing her eyes for a moment, she contemplated with herself. The responses of her texts and calls had begun to get increasingly more scarce since her loss, and mostly only got a follow up when Viviana had asked for a follow up. Toshiko had cited that she was busy as a reason for the distance she was creating, and had mentioned more than a few times wanting to let Viviana focus on her big debut match she had coming up. A match that Viviana had also, regrettably, lost. And it was something they hadn't talked about past very brief condolences.

Ultimately the phone went into her bag without seeing what the text was about, and Ito threw on a jacket, getting ready to leave the gym, looking frustrated and angry. She could have done better--she would need to next time. And she would need a better sparring partner. She needed to be the absolute best she could be to avoid another loss. She had no interest in speaking to anyone on her way out as she walked through the gym at an increased pace, barely paying any mind to anyone around her, ready to leave.

Training Outfit w/o mask

[Devilish53]

It wouldn't matter if Toshiko was to read the text from Viviana or not - through a quick call to the reception of the LAW facilities, Viviana Accera had learnt that Toshiko was present and in amidst what could only be described as a violent sparring session. Making her way down to said gym with gusto - given Viviana wouldn't know when Toshiko would leave or otherwise, she'd opt to tie her hair up in lazy fashion as she swung her wide hips through the door. Clad in a casual number, with tight fitting jeans, grey shirt and jacket atop of her muscular frame, Viviana didn't need to be directed to the raging heavyweight to find her.

Passing quickly through the showers, then the locker room with the gym being the end goal, Viviana would do something of a double take as she spotted the easily identifiable Toshiko. Not that she needed to spot her to find her - she could simply follow the sounds of furious grunts and the slamming of locker doors to find where she was.

"You can't ignore me forever..." She'd pout, pressing her shoulder into the locker to lean on it, with her arms crossing under her figure as she waited for Toshiko to turn her gaze towards her. Toshiko wasn't the only one who felt a lack of satisfaction in regards to her career - but it seemed to be Toshiko alone who would let it affect her relationship with the Italian. At least in an outwardly fashion, after all. For growing up in the Accera household, Viviana had become rather used to the unhealthy act of bottling up ones negative feelings...

[Dubski]

Toshiko was hurriedly heading out of the locker rooms to leave when she heard the familiar voice of Viviana. She stopped in the middle of her stride, glancing over at her girlfriend, eyes widened in surprise as her mouth went agape, not sure what to say immediately. She was taken aback by the fact that Viviana was standing there, seemingly waiting for her. "Viviana, I..." started Ito, looking sufficiently confused. "I'm not ignoring you..."

After the shock of it passed, there was a sense of comfort seeing Viviana standing in front of her. Toshiko began to walk towards her, her expression softening as she bit her lower lip. She reached her free hand to touch her, but paused, her brow furrowing in concern as she dropped her hand again. "You are following me?" asked Ito, beginning to look around, eyes darting around the locker room. "Stalking me?" followed up Toshiko. She didn't sound offended or creeped out, but more worried than anything. It wasn't the act of following her itself, but more that Viviana felt the need to do so that Ito seemed more worried about.

[Devilish53]

"You don't respond." Viviana responded very matter-of-factly, seemingly uninterested in whether Toshiko's query was a joke or otherwise. "It's not hard to figure out where you'll be..."

Viviana would press her side from the locker to straighten up, as she took a few steps forward with her arms under her chest. She didn't say anything as she gave Toshiko a long, hard stare with furrowed eyes. Before she dropped said expression - unable to hold any sense of genuine anger towards Toshiko.

"Have...I done something wrong?"

[Dubski]

Ito wanted to object to Viviana saying it wasn't difficult to know where she'd be, but Toshiko bit back any urges to do so, knowing full well that she was right. Toshiko practically lived at the gym--especially lately. She had been meaning to find more hobbies, but like most things, pushed that aside. But then she saw the angry look from Viviana, and it hurt. It hurt quite a bit to feel her look at her like that. It was shortly lived, however, because she couldn't maintain it and just asked a simple question that just baffled her.

Of course Viviana hadn't done anything wrong--Toshiko practically couldn't imagine her ever doing something wrong. As far as Ito was concerned, she was perfect. And then Toshiko put the two together--Viviana thought she had done something wrong because of her avoiding her, and her heart sank. Shaking her head a few times, the Japanese girl said, "No, no. Viviana, absolutely not. I..."

Toshiko then stopped, biting her lip as she began looking around at the locker room. She saw eyes on them, glancing away when Ito's eyes made contact with them. She already wasn't popular in the gym, especially today, and she was keenly aware of how the girls would gossip about relationships, having already overheard a couple comments made about her and Viviana before. Moreover, Toshiko found it agonizing enough to speak about her feelings, let alone doing it in public. Blushing slightly, Toshiko reached forward to take Viviana's hand and asked in a softer tone, "Can we speak somewhere more private, please?" She was still too bashful and embarrassed to look Accera in the eyes, but her plea sounded earnest.

[Devilish53]

It was certainly an awkward setting, albeit Viviana herself bared little mind to it. In the world of LAW, those looking on didn't know whether they were about to bare witness to a full blown brawl, an outrageous love making session, or something in between. Viviana herself however, only wanted to talk.

"Fine..."

Viviana turned, raising her arm as if to motion Toshiko to take the lead. There were plenty of private training rooms for them to have a conversation with, or even an office or two just down the hallway the two could briefly make their own.

[Dubski]

Toshiko let out a soft sigh of relief when Viviana agreed to relocate, giving her a slight nod of thanks. The Japanese girl started to make her way to the exit of the locker room with her girlfriend following behind, with a handful of girls in the locker room booing and jeering them walking away. That would normally warrant a furious reaction from Ito where she would quickly shut them up, but right now Toshiko simply feeling down on herself for how Viviana was reacting.

Eventually, she made her way to a private training room, walking inside and then throwing her bag against the wall to the side with more than a little strength behind it. There was a small training ring, a bench, and some free weights and other small equipment, but was otherwise empty aside from the two tall women who occupied it. Toshiko would walk to the ring and then sit on the apron, taking a deep breath. Talking about her feelings was always a challenge--one that Viviana had certainly noticed in their relationship thusfar. The Japanese girl rested both hands behind her neck and closed her eyes, leaning forward and bowing her head, not able to look at Viviana right now. "...I am sorry." It was the only thing she could muster out right now, sounding difficult for her to even say as much right now as well.

[Devilish53]

As Viviana followed suite, it began to to dawn on the Italian just how difficult it may be to convey her feelings with Toshiko - and more than likely vice versa. The minor language barrier between the two was often the source of cute, humorous moments between the two. But now, it could cause something of an awkward hindrance when both women were trying to be sincere with one another.

Now in a private setting with Toshiko, Viviana would opt to let her speak. Leaning her back against the wall, she'd cross her arms as she looked across the room. She'd raise her eyebrows a little at the apology, but felt it was a given there needed to be more. Why? For what?

Viviana opted to stay silent in favour of being direct - as if said silence was a queue for Toshiko to go on.

[Dubski]

Toshiko Ito waited a few moments for a reply or acknowledgement, slowly looking up to Viviana and only receiving a more inquisitive look in response. She had hoped for some kind of buffer or lifeline, already struggling on her now as she grew more anxious--and further, frustrated. Not with Accera, but with herself. Gripping the apron tight, she let out a low groan, looking down once more.

"I am sorry I have been... avoiding talking to you. It is not your fault. It is me," explained Toshiko with some tenseness to her voice. "I am... ashamed of myself. Of facing you as a failure." Swallowing hard, Ito would then press a hand to her forehead, sucking in a deep breath.

"I lost a match. I am not supposed to lose. I cannot lose. And..." Biting back her next words, she squeezed the apron tighter, beginning to tremble as she spoke in an even, careful tone. "I know you will not judge. You are too good for that. You are probably too good for me. And you probably think this is... stupid. But I still feel shame from this, and I feel you might see me differently, and I feel like you will see a side of me you will not like, and..."

Toshiko was practically white-knuckled as she held onto the apron, face scrunching up in a mixture of emotions. Anger, sadness, frustration. "I am too used to any misstep or failure forcing those close to me to look down on me, and I cannot bear the idea of you doing that to me. And I have felt that... if I had redeemed myself and had success again that I could avoid that with you. And I am aware it is not rational... But that is how I felt."

After letting those words settle, the Japanese girl got off the apron, turning and walking a few paces further from Viviana, her body shaking as she balled her fists at her sides, glaring ahead at the empty wall ahead of her. She couldn't bear to look at Viviana still, even after being as open with her as she probably ever had been before.

[Devilish53]

Viviana remained stoic as Toshiko paced back and forth, with her discomfort growing all the more apparent. Naturally she wouldn't interrupt, but by the end of Toshiko's heart to heart, she'd wished she had. For Viviana herself couldn't help but let loose a little smile.

"Is...Is that all?" Viviana took a few steps forward slowly, her arm coming up with her hand looking to rest on Toshiko's shoulder. She knew Toshiko took pride in her abilities in the ring, and a loss would hurt someone like she the most, but Viviana still couldn't help but feel relief. Over the fact there was nothing more serious - specifically that she had done!

"A match loss...Is that all, Toshiko?" Viviana wanted to double check, with a tone set on her end by the use of Toshiko's full name. Viviana herself couldn't even recall if she had called her beloved Tosh Tosh anything but, prior to this moment.