It's hard to get used to

[APlaying]

I am not good at expressing myself in this kind of things, expressing my feelings and so on, I have never been, I am almost practically a hermit and god knows how many things I keep to myself. And ironically I always say that communication is very important to get to understand others, to know the context and their states.

Sometimes people on the internet only read the comments to respond, instead of understanding.

A couple of years ago before coming to the site, I was going through an existential crisis and an overwhelming depression that even brought me to the brink of taking my own life. And the people I was surrounded by instead of giving me space, or understanding that I needed seriousness to deal with certain issues, just avoided me or made jokes without giving me a safe place to express myself.

When I tried to contribute or move forward with my projects, there were always people trying to make me look bad. I don't know if it's something that comes naturally to me to be unpleasant in front of people, even though I was always trying to do the best possible job that was within my reach. It's something I'd like to fix, but it's been years of failed attempts.

Sometimes I even tried to take breaks and vacations from it all, but the problems always followed when I came back. In fact, everything I did, said or tried to do was always taken badly. A constant that I had for a long time that plunged me into a bitter depression, along with the problems that happened at home and in my homeland of birth.

And everything has changed for me in general, maybe I shared the same passion as the people that for a while I considered companions, but I realized that I would never get anywhere if I continued in that circle. This became obvious when I relapsed into a migraine due to the stress that left me on the verge of a coma.

The core of the problem was not in my relationship perse, but in my lack of willingness to understand and value the other's perspective.

But speaking specifically of LAW, when I first came across the site, its concept grabbed me. A world where we could share our plots sounds great, because I have always loved roleplaying even though all the communities I had been in were extremely toxic.

However here everything was much more organized and better planned, what made me interested in registering were certain users whose charisma made me anxious to see what I could develop with them. However, once I entered, I realized how cracked the situations of some of them were.

I will not give examples, but some of the users with whom I most wanted to interact with ended up withdrawing or even turned out to be extremely hateful. Something that discouraged me a lot, although I met some really great guys with whom I got to share some quality time that made my week. Although sometimes I would like to do more for some of them, and that sometimes overwhelms me and takes away my desire to write, thinking if there is any point to continue in an environment like this.

Sometimes I think if the problem is me, or if I'm just too late to interact more with them.

I don't mean by this that I plan to retire too, because despite everything I have found people to share my time with. But just remember, life goes on, everything is constantly changing, human beings are not static. But despite all the problems and difficulties, remember that it is in you to find the strength and determination to face the future, and move forward.

Thank you for your attention and I send you a big hug.

[CaptainL]

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been dealing with so much trouble in your life. Please understand that you and your mental health are important, no matter what anyone says. Whatever you choose as being right for you, I encourage you to take care of yourself.

Your feelings on LAW are honestly the same thing that drew me to the site all those years ago. And I think it's important to see that people are still drawn to LAW for those same reasons. We're keeping that spirit alive. And that's what should count. Not any toxicity between users. Not any backstage drama. The potential of this site to tell stories, and to elevate them into something beyond the sum of their parts. That's what I want to focus on.

As silly as it might sound, my stories and my characters feel real to me. It's why I've put so much attention and care into them. I want to create stories that people can be engaged with, and follow along with, and care about as much as I care about them. And if I've managed to succeed at that, it's one of the greatest honors I could possibly imagine. But I couldn't have done that without all the people I work with, and all the care and passion they too put into their work.

We're a community. We're all in this together. We're all contributing to something for all of us, and for plenty of other people we might not even know. And I want us to focus on that - on making LAW the best it can be, for all of us. Going forward, that's what I want to do. And it's what I want of the site, too.