there where the soul of man is cleansed,
made worthy to ascend to Heaven.
Here from the dead let poetry rise up,
O sacred Muses, since I am yours.
Here let Calliope arise...
Purgatorio Canto I
Many of you had quite the opinion on my piece on LAW’s Inferno, particularly that I placed a fan favorite there (Gil) Well, Inferno is only the first part of a series. Not many people know that. This is the second part of the Divine Comedy, Purgatorio, or Purgatory. Here, are those who sinned, but, not quite bad enough to be cast into hell proper. So, once again, let’s follow Virgil, this time up a mountain. Let’s see if we can find any semi-righteous souls we know here.
First, before we get unto Purgatory proper, like Hell, there is a sort of “diet” Purgatory first, in the Inferno, this was Limbo, here, it’s the Late Repentant. Here we see souls who waited till the last moment to repent, and here we see…wait what?
Gil
So, the Goat made it here after all! (Ok, for real, I just don’t want people to tear me apart for putting her in Hell. For continuity's sake, let’s just say I saw her evil twin, the Ram, in hell, and it was a case of mistaken identity. Ok? Ok!)
Gil has to wait another lifetime before climbing up the mountain proper, but, she has good reason to be hopeful. There is, however, a rule to Purgatory: We can only climb it when the sun is out. So, we give Gil a few headpats for we go to sleep to begin our journey proper.
We wake up and got to the gates of Purgatory, where an angel carves seven Ps on our head, each representing a deadly sin (In Latin, sin is peccatum) and she send us to the first terrace of Purgatory: Pride. Here I see two well-known princesses:
Peach Cake and Daisy Petals
In the terrace of Pride, the sinful are forced to carry large rocks on their backs, forcing them to bow. I suppose the crown of a kingdom means nothing here. Daisy gives me a dirty look, as we were rivals at one point. I make it a point to bow myself, just as Dante did (This was the sin Dante felt he was most guilty of) before the Angel of Humility takes away one of our Ps…
We now enter the Second terrace: Envy. Here, in our horror, we see people wonder around with their eyes sown shut by iron cords (AHH!) Here, I see a woman who has my pity more than anyone I know from LAW:
Holly Matheson
As current Loser’s Champion, she must’ve envied all those who would win time and time again, and now she is here, where her eyes cannot envy anymore. The Angel of Generosity takes away another P as we continue our journey…
The third terrace is where those blinded by Wrath are purged. Blinded, being the key word, as there is a thick smoke covering the area, symbolizing Wrath’s blinding nature, Here I see someone who I’ve had a spat with.
Bella King
Although we never faced each other in the ring, we had a bit of a Twitter argument not too long ago, and that’s why she is here. She couldn’t keep her anger in check. Here the Angel of Peace erases the third P and we move on…
The fourth terrace is the place where Sloth is purged, where the sinners run laps for a while, wait, is this Purgatory or high school gym? Anyway, when we see th Slothful run by, I see a wrestler I really don’t know a lot about:
Karina Rine
The few times I have seen her, she seemed kind of grouchy, like she would rather be asleep, and she is usually loafing about catering, therefore she finds herself running around a rock. The Angel of Zeal erases yet another P and we move ever forward.
The fifth terrace, where Greed is purged, as sinners face down in sand where they recite a Psalm (This is a heavy Christian work, if you haven’t already surmised) Here I see another wrestler I’m not particularly familiar with:
Milana Pucci
What I do know about her is that she was raised in the fashion industry, and that she values the almighty dollar, as Virgil said in the Inferno, “What a mockery is made of the brief battle of possessions that makes so short a life” Thankfully for Milana, she won’t be here forever. The Angel of Moderation erases another P, to which we are thankfully running low on, before we ascend.
The second to last terrace is the terrace of Gluttony. Here, sinners must endure a perfect apple tree where the fruit is just out of reach, which for these plump fellows is agony, here, I see a rather cute face:
Yuki Magumi
Yes, even a holy man as myself can say someone is cute, I never signed any vow of chastity, hell, I’ve been in Hentai matches before. But, I’m getting sidetracked. Here, Yuki sighs in frustration as she reaches for the fruit she cannot have. The Angel of Temperance erases another P and we get to our last terrace…
The last terrace is where Lust is purged, here the sinners are engulfed in a hot flame, as their passions burned their hearts. Here I see through the fire and flames a very famous face:
Ducky Williams
As a prominent figure in the Hentai division, I’m quite puzzled to see her here, maybe it’s because I’ve never heard a bad thing said about her character, or maybe it’s because I have a slight crush on her that she finds herself here, anyway, we’ve finished our journey, and the Angel of Chastity comes and erases the final P from our forehead. Now, we can enter Paradise proper.
Do not expect a Paradiso, as my knowledge on that is severely limited, maybe that says something about me. I don’t think we need to get into it further. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this journey as well as I did. May we all see Paradise.
-Isaiah “The Prophet” Bowen
