Who and What I Am.

[Deskfan45]

By Skylar Jones

I started wrestling at LAW when I was 19 years old. Before that, I'd had an impressive career on the American independant circuit, and an even more impressive stint in SFA. Then I signed to LAW, and... I'll admit, I've had my ups and downs over the past few years. I've taken down big names like Yuki Kazikura, Lily Sniper, and Emaline, but I've also taken plenty of losses. For a long time, I blamed it on bad luck. But really, I think it has more to do with my mental health, and an identity crisis I've been struggling with for a long time. When I first came to LAW, I became a sort of crusader of justice. A heel hunter, the fans call it. I saw all the people here doing fucked up shit, and I wanted to teach them a lesson. I called out everyone. Kyoko Akan, Eileen Sommers, Rose Gold, Lillian Byrne, Cyber Widow. The hypocrisy was obvious, given my own conduct, but we'll get to that. During the whole drama about the loser belt, I was super against it.

But even more important to me then standing up to heels, was protecting the people I cared about. You've all heard about the things I've done to people for hurting my friends. Putting Fenrir in the hospital for months with a bat, hanging Yuki, stomping Lily's skull in. Blah blah blah. I don't regret any of it, even if one of the friends in question was a piece of shit looking back. But what I do regret is the toll it took on me. Everytime a friend of mine wrestled, I was paranoid. They could be up against the nicest girl on this roster and I'd lay in bed all night wondering how it was gonna go. The very thought of my friend being hurt, or disrespected, or embarrassed, made me fucking sick.

It was a huge burden, and it turned me into an anxious wreck. When Newbie Nuo, the first friend I ever made in LAW, who let me sleep on her couch when I first moved to Japan, told me she was gonna have a POW rematch against Berserk Liger, I was terrified. But I couldn't talk her out of it, and she made me promise I wouldn't interfere. The most I could do was go and support her at ringside, so I did. I really didn't think she had a chance.

But she won.

I was sure she would be helpless against Liger, but against all my expectations, she beat her. Nuo taught me a lesson that day: That my friends can fight their own battles. They're wrestlers, just like me. (Even if they're not as good. No one is.) They're tough. They can take punishment. I don't need to go on a rampage everytime something happens to them. I don't need to worry. I was free. I'll always be grateful to Nuo for showing me that. She made me just a little bit less miserable.

In April of 2023, I injured my arm, and through all sorts of medical bullshit, that kept me out of the ring for way longer then I could've ever imagined. And during that time, I did a lot of reflecting on my time in LAW. I thought about all the crusading I'd done, and I realized something: I didn't really care about any of it. I didn't really believe any of the things I preached. Yeah, the big villains I'd gone after hurt people, but not anyone I actually gave a shit about. And look at me. I'm just as bad as them. Why do I care if some dumb bitch I've never met gets her neck broken? And the shit I said about the loser belt really confuses me looking back. Yeah, it's a fucking horrible thing that only sadistic degenerates would ever support, but it's also really hot. Watching the weakest of the weak fight each other desperately to avoid enduring the ultimate humiliation? Absolute peak. Especially if they're both cute. Yeah, I'm pissed about Nuo getting the loser belt, but it's not a big deal. Like I said, she's tough. She'll get rid of that thing in no time. What pisses me off more, is that two girls as strong as her and Louise Belair were put in that match in the first place. It's a waste of the title's potential. I don't wanna watch two talented wrestlers fight over it in a main event level match up. I wanna watch Mizuki Sakura and Mikan Tsumiki fight over it in a loser gets fucked last woman standing hentai match. Make it happen, Angie, you demented genius.

But I'm getting side tracked. After I realized I never really cared about or believed in any of this shit, I started to wonder why I ever acted like I did. I think the truth is, I just convinced myself I did to feel better about myself. It felt good to have the moral high ground, to think I was the good guy. But if I'm honest with myself? I'm not. I never was. I never will be. That's not who I am, and I think most people knew that and saw right through me, even if I didn't.

But now, after all this reflection, I know exactly who and what I am. I'm a bad person. I don't like it, but I accept it. I can't change who I am, but I know what I can, and will, do. I will do whatever it takes to get to the top of this sport. I'll do whatever I want to whoever I want, just because nobody has what it takes to do a damn thing about it.

I am the Dirty Devil herself.

I am Skylar Jones.