Check Ups and Check Downs

[LtLukas]

Jessica could not have possibly imagined a world in which someone witnessed her match and could say with any honesty that she should not have been ashamed. There was a certain shame in losing, as always, but the exact humiliation came in how that shame happened. Her purple eyes narrowed. Jessica was a bit smarter than she let on. Not many expected a woman as brawny as Jessica to be as clever as Jessica was, and it was more than just strategy and a compendium of wrestling moves. There were a whole bunch of paths forward in life, and she knew that. But for her, there could be only one.

As Jessica was mulling that over, the psych asked her another question. A weakness, outside of the wrestling ring. All facets of her personality linked back to wrestling in some capacity, so she wasn't really sure how to answer that question. "Drinking." The word came out, as if beyond her own consciousness. "I don't drink, uh, socially I guess you can say. When I drink, I am going to get drunk."

[Dubski]

Lilly Becker's eyes lit up at Jessica's reply and she let out a giggle and covered her mouth. The psychiatrist cleared her throat and then shook her head. "I'm sorry, it's just that's one of my weaknesses too," explained Dr. Becker. A grin creased her lips and she continued. "I do drink socially, but I sometimes don't have full control of myself. I occasionally drink a little bit too much and... Well, things get wild." Lilly shrugged, smiling, seemingly okay with telling Jessica about that.

"But can you elaborate, Jessica? Why do you prefer to drink in that way?" asked Dr. Becker, offering a reassuring smile to the purple-haired fighter. She was interested to see where this may lead.

[LtLukas]

Jessica, for her part, was interested where this may lead as well. Dr. Lilly was not entirely bad looking herself, and she was terribly interested what a wild psychiatrist would look like. Her eyebrows raised. If Jessica played her cards right, she wondered... well, that could be explored later. She had no interest in professional ethics. And it did put Jessica more at ease to open up her drinking.

"Like, people drink to have a good time. I am only really having a good time if I am super drunk? Like I know it isn't a good habit. But one of the things is that drinking like that makes me feel not so nervous all the time. Well, not really nervous I guess. Just a bit apprehensive." Jessica grabbed her elbow. She hadn't spoken like this in a while. She felt a bit pathetic.

[Dubski]

Dr. Becker had an interested expression on her face as Jessica spoke, taking in what she had said. She had heard her response, and a little bit of admission that Wright didn't seem particularly thrilled with speaking aloud. Still, this was good. It was something Jessica probably should have been open with.

Lilly folded her hands on her lap and nodded to her patient. "I'm sorry you feel like you need to get so drunk to have fun," she offered, hoping to make her feel better. "What are you apprehensive about though?" asked the psychiatrist delicately, trying to make her feel less uncomfortable. "I'm a little apprehensive sometimes too. It's normal."

[LtLukas]

Dr. Lilly was listening. It was a good trait, she thought. Listening. There were very few people in her life who were actually willing to listen to her for any period of time and she was very grateful for the doctor. She was pretty good at reading people, she thought. There were managers who were willing to listen to you to see what they could wheedle out of you, and agents who were just thinking about dollar signs. But here, she genuinely thought she was being heard.

"What am I apprehensive about? Everything. Whether or not I am getting good enough. Whether or not all my shit talk is going to come back to bite me. Whether or not anyone gives a shit." Jessica slumped down a little bit. "But that's the issue. I don't want to be normal. I want to be great."

[Dubski]

Lilly frowned when she listened to Jessica reply, feeling her plight. She considered it for a moment, pursing her lips in thought before finally speaking up. "That is a lot to contend with, Jessica. I can understand the idea of wanting to be great, for sure. I think there are many people who deal with that idea. I think it's great and healthy to want to be great, but... How fulfilling will that be if that's all you are? You can be a lot of things--a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a lover. You can help people, too. Those things can be just as fulfilling as being great at your profession."

Lilly smiled at Wright, placing a hand on her shoulder, trying to reassure her. "Do you think all of these worries and apprehension are the result of you having nobody else to lean on, or anything else for you to just... relax and feel comfortable? It's very important."

[LtLukas]

Jessica watched Lilly's body language as she responded. Lilly was frowning. She didn't know if that was a good or bad thing, or even if she should be looking for good or bad things. Instead, Jessica was just listening. "Well, that is kind of the thing. I am not much of a daughter, I don't have a lot of friends, my brothers rarely talk to me, and so far I have not found anyone who I can tolerate for more than a few minutes on the dating front."

Lilly touched her. Jessica flinched a little bit, but found it comforting a second letter. She was going to let the doctor touch her. "Um, not really. I mean, that is why I am here. Like, I don't have anyone, really, who I would be comfortable telling this to. Other than you, I mean to say."

[Dubski]

Dr. Lilly Becker nodded as Jessica answered her, looking more concerned than anything right now. "I'm a good start, certainly," she mentioned, smiling. "But as humans, we are social creatures... We naturally crave connections with others. And I think it would be very healthy to do that."

Lilly offered a comforting smile. She knew this would probably be a suggestion Jessica might not like, or outright reject, but she continued anyway. "What are your thoughts on that? And be completely honest with me. Remember, I'm here to help and I'm here to try to help you be as comfortable as possible." She gave Wright's shoulder a friendly squeeze, smiling at her patiently.

[LtLukas]

Jessica didn't balk at the hand on her shoulder this time. She was starting to get more comfortable with this woman, which was a surprise for her. There were very few people on the face of the earth that Jessica was comfortable with, and this felt nice. "I mean, I am not saying I disagree. But I don't know where I am going to find someone who I can connect with."

Jessica adjusted in her chair a bit. "I mean, I don't think I am going to meet a lot of people in the places that I usually go. Not a lot of Japanese dudes in bars are going to be my friends for the purpose of being my friend. And I think that maybe my family, well, it is too far gone. What could we say to each other that makes everything okay?" Jessica shrugged her shoulders. The question was rhetorical but she genuinely wanted to know.

[Dubski]

Lilly once again listened with a soft smile, understanding her plight. It wasn't easy a lot of times, but she wasn't without options. "It isn't easy, I know. Trust me. Concerning your family... They care. I just think they have a hard time showing it. Sometimes when you go to speak to them, it could be hard without a plan. Sometimes you have a plan and it doesn't go anything like it. But I would recommend trying. They cared enough to bring you here, didn't they?" explained Dr. Becker, offering her an encouraging look.

"And regarding friends... There are apps where you can do meet ups and find people with similar interests. Try to reach out to someone when you're working out--well, maybe not during. But someone at gyms you frequent," she mentioned, understanding herself a lot about gym etiquette. "And you have many co-workers, Jessica. I'm sure you can get along with at least one of them, right? But you need to put yourself out there, which I know is hard too. But I think you can do it." The blonde psychiatrist smiled warmly at Wright, giving her shoulder a squeeze.