Scratching the Surface

[Malkavia]

Shimmerlace felt her affection for Yuki growing. That in itself wasn't so unusual—Shimmerlace tended to like most folks in intimate settings. The more she talked, the more she got to know them and their ways of being in the world, the warmer their little slice of her mind became. Still, the details for Yuki felt surprising. The way Miss Kazikura choked on sake, for instance, did not fit with Shimmerlace's expectations for champion-level talent in the world's premier sexual combat sport. And yet—

The coin Shimmerlace had spun earlier found itself between her fingers. As she rotated her hand forward and aft, the coin wove between her knuckles, rolling and spinning in the precise, playful dance she willed for it. It glittered in the lamplight, silver and gleaming. The polish was meant to catch an audience's eye and draw it where it could be fooled.

"Before I was in LAW, I was — and I'm sure this will shock you — a practitioner of magical illusion and occult artistry."

As the coin dipped and ducked between her fingers, it multiplied. There were two, now, shimmering as they danced. Another flick of the wrist, and the audience blinks and — there's a third. She caught them, one between each finger, and presented them and her open palm to Yuki.

"It was something the first time I was put on stage. Bright lights that needled my eye, a living, breathing audience."

"Now. Yuki, my friend. I'm sorry to report this, but that crowd?" Shimmerlace's wrist went limp, and the coins rotated to be flat between her digits. She rested her chin on the wrist and leaned just slightly towards Yuki. "It might as well have been a dragon for the way my heart fluttered. The younger Blossom-san was not the type that liked to leave the safety of her den. Give this girl so much as hello, sweet pea, and she'd shudder like a tree in the wind. Eyes down. Shoulders hunched." A quick contraction of her shoulders conjured this earlier form of herself. "Perhaps you know the type—a kid who feels a need to apologize for existing, yeah? You might wonder why a creature of such delicate nature might choose to expose herself to at times unforgiving flame of an audience."

"To answer that question, I would pose to you an exercise in imaginative empathy." Shimmerlace extended her hand from under her chin to gesture at Yuki. The three coins rested between her finger tips. "What do you imagine are the chief sources of joy for a magician?"

[CaptainL]

As soon as Yuki felt the burn in her throat after swallowing a gulp of the sake, and as soon as she let out a cough out of reflex, a blush grew across her face. It was all a sign of just how inexperienced she truly was in the real world - and Shimmerlace could see all of it. This was supposed to be her time to step away from her image, but all it seemed to do was remind her just how much she was ruled by it. How she didn't really have a life beyond it, and how even when she tried she felt like a letdown. Still, the Feychild at least didn't judge her. She still had her point to make - and she was certainly doing her part to keep Yuki engaged.

She was sure anyone with a good sense of sleight of hand would be able to pull off a coin trick like this, but she still watched Shimmer's fingers carefully as she wove the coin back and forth between her knuckles, spinning it all the while. Sure, it seemed like a fairly basic manuever - there she was, she thought to herself, still thinking in wrestling terms - but it was one she wouldn't be able to pull off, certainly, and Shimmerlace performed it with commendable exection. When a second coin sprung into being, and then a third, though? That was where Yuki was truly astounded. Her eyes went wide as she reeled back, staring down at the pink-haired girl's palm. Yuki wasn't one to believe in the supernatural; surely, she thought, it was another trick. But...it was nonetheless an impressive one. One that, perhaps, might leave her wondering, if just for a moment, if she truly had witnessed magic being wrought.

But then...after all of that, she said something that caught Yuki by surprise. That sense of grace, that sense of showmanship, that seeming eye for the crowd; the larger-than-life presence that Shimmerlace had put on display from the moment Yuki first laid eyes on her in the ring...all that, and she was intimidated by the attention she got? It didn't seem to make sense. The girl had all the presence of a ringmaster; she seemed to draw attention everywhere she went. When it all seemed so calculated to amaze and astound, how could she possibly not want that many eyes on her? "Wait...really?"

And yet, the next thing Shimmerlace said made it all make sense. Apologize for existing. Unforgiving flame of an audience. She could relate, honestly. She reminded herself of how she had always insisted she wasn't wrestling for the fans, but for herself - that she wanted to use her talents to justify her place in society; that she wanted to show the world she could amount to something. How she felt judged by the world when she failed to measure up, and how motivated she was to prove them wrong about her the next time.

"For a magician? Uh..." Yuki drummed her fingers idly against the tabletop. "If I had to wager a guess, I'd say...the sense of amazing a crowd. Coming away from a show knowing everyone believed in you. Giving them something worth watching..." Her mouth hung open, wanting to go on and say more, but she had stopped there. She was too consumed by her own thoughts to form the words she needed to continue. Everything was staring her in the face - everything she said would just as easily apply to herself. Maybe she and Shimmer weren't that different, after all.

[Malkavia]

"Belief is a pretty nice way to put it. But, eh, let me put a more blunt point to it."

A tilt in Shimmerlace's hand slid the three coins into her palm, facing the ceiling. They gleamed in the dim orange light, forming a perfect equilateral triangle like an occult symbol. Then her hand slammed the table, and when she slid her palm towards herself, she revealed that the silver coins had transformed into a much larger golden doubloon, which lay gleaming on the tabletop.

"A magician's ken is to trick an audience."

A smile flit in Shimmerlace's dimples, as if she were trying, unsuccessfully, to hold it back. "I've heard there are poets who write only for themselves—singers whose only satisfaction is the melody of their own voice. But there is not and never will be a magician who sits as their own audience. For we, alas, know where the coins have got."

As Shimmerlace raised her arm, fingers wiggling, the three silver coins sat nestled in her hand, cupped in a way that held them tight between the heartline and the lifeline of her palm.

"You said you have a passion for wrestling. I have a passion for trickery."

The words felt odd in her mouth—a bit like the coins itched when she lifted her hand to reveal them. She lay them on the table next to the doubloon, then turned back to her food, slicing her burger into another square she could dip in the sauce. "I mentioned earlier a version of myself that was fearful of the audience. The first and most important trick I played was to hide her under my palm. There wasn't a single member of that crowd who had a clue she existed. Soon enough, I forgot too. Tricks played well enough have a habit of growing flesh."

"It's a liberating feeling, Yuki." The taste of the burger was even sweeter than on most nights. The chef seemed to have included a more generous helping of seared onion, which gave the sugary sauce almost a tangy flavor. Shimmer's smile grew, and she looked up from her plate to meet her partner's eyes. She leaned forward, and her voice grew quiet. "There I was, one day, practicing stagecraft, and I realized. I'd hit the limit. I'd done what I wanted onstage. Shit was getting too...samey. It would've been easy to be scared. Magic was the only craft I knew, right? But. Mmm, no. No. Trickery, you see, is a portable thing. I can be anything I can fool someone into letting me be. And thus, I'm here."

"But." Abruptly, Shimmerlace sat back in her chair, interrupting that line of thought as it trailed. She set her utensils down, clinking them on the plate before pouring another shot of sake. "That's a lot about me. What about you?" She draped her fingers over her ochoko's lip, picking it up and stirring it gently. "Obviously you're passionate for wrestling. Anyone who sees you perform can see that bleeding out of you thicker than sweat. But—why. What's it about wrestling that's so special, so fulfilling? You said it's not the audience. So, what then? Do you just like being good at something?"

[CaptainL]

Yuki had been impressed with what Shimmerlace had shown herself capable of up to this point - the control she had to have in order to spin the coins around her fingers; how effortlessly she was able to slip them out of sight. But when she slammed her hand against the table and revealed a single golden coin from between her palm, that was enough to make Yuki sit up a little straighter in her seat. She could accept that what she'd seen so far could easily be explained through mere sleight of hand, but this? She didn't know where she'd gotten the doubloon from, or what she'd done with the other coins. Surely there was a rational explanation somewhere, somehow - but that didn't matter here. Here, Yuki could've been fooled, at least for a few seconds, that Shimmerlace's powers were truly something supernatural.

But if anything, it was when Shimmerlace raised her hand to reveal where she'd stashed the coins that Yuki truly felt alarmed. No one could have called her an expert on the subject of magic, but she knew one thing was of particular importance among magicians - one never explained how the trick was done. And here, Shimmerlace was showing her? That brought her into the girl's inner circle. It proved to her that she was someone the Feychild trusted with her secrets. She sucked in a breath and let it hang there in her throat, her voice hushed almost reverently, as though she was afraid to say a word lest she shatter the tranquility of what was surely an important moment. In fact, Yuki was so enraptured in the here and now that it wasn't until Shimmer started cutting her burger that she was brought down to earth - and she did so with a faint, awkward blush. All this time, she'd been eating her burger like a regular burger. Was she supposed to be doing what Shimmerlace was? Was her ignorance showing through?

Nevertheless, as the pink-haired girl went on, Yuki nodded to her. She suddenly understood everything. The confidence she seemed to exude, the security in her persona - that was itself an act of misdirection. A magic trick. And just like Yuki had been spellbound by her craft enough to let herself fall for it, Shimmer had proved so convincing in her persona that Yuki hadn't stopped to doubt it for a moment. Shimmer's act worked.

But now, the pink-haired girl turned things over to her. And as the ball fell in her court, Yuki took in a gulp, sitting a little stiffer and straighter in her chair. "Me? What...about me?" She had been in the process of cutting her burger, but now, she stopped, laying her knife down on her plate - now, that seemed like the least of her worries. She'd let herself be lulled into a sense of security, of knowing what was going on and feeling confident in the answers. And now, Shimmer had thrown her another question that made everything grind to a halt. What did wrestling mean to her? All this time, she thought, she felt comfort in wrestling because she felt comfort in wrestling. But there had to be better answers than that - even if she didn't know how to put them into words.

Yuki sucked in a deep breath, then cleared her throat. "A-Ah, well..." Then, she folded her hands in her lap.

"I guess...now it's my turn to tell you a story. My story. It started when I was 16, back when I was in high school. I signed up for wrestling training...and I don't even really know why I did that. Or what was going through my head. But I think, what it comes to, is that I wanted that sense of confidence. That knowledge that I was good at something - the way you were, with trickery. I figured my life would be...so bland and boring if I didn't keep trying to define myself that way; to find some way to stand out. And it turned out...wrestling was that."

She took a deep breath, settling into her seat, as her thoughts drifted through memories of years long past. The faintest hint of a smile came to her lips as she lingered on the things that made her feel secure, the things that answered her questions. "Well, it turned out I took to it like a natural. I didn't have to really put the effort in, even; it just came to me. I went to the indies, and people were calling me a wrestling prodigy. They were amazed I could do what I did when I was so young - the Dynamite Schoolgirl, they called me, and it stuck ever since. I was taking on people older and more experienced than I was, and I was beating them. All the attention, all the satisfaction that followed a victory - it made me feel good. Like I had a purpose - like I had a reason why I was in this world. And I never really looked back."

For a moment, Yuki's eyes flitted back to the table. Her body went tense as she thought about all the things that were bound up in that statement that she hadn't said. The worries that she wasn't enough any more; that if she couldn't live up to her standards, she couldn't justify her place in the world. Just thinking of such a thing made her take in a gulp. Wrestling might have brought her certainty, but there was so much uncertainty, too, that followed if she couldn't keep it up. But then, she cleared her throat and looked back up at Shimmerlace. If nothing else, she needed to look confident. It seemed to work as well for the Feychild.

"So I guess...what makes it so special, is that it tells me there is a place in this world I can fit in. That I feel right in. It's not that I like being good at performing, it's that I don't know if I'm good enough at anything else."

[Malkavia]

Yuki used her fork and knife to cut her burger. If Shimmerlace weren't being careful, she would have squinted.

When she was younger, Charlotte ate burgers with utensils to avoid sticky fingers. Sticky fingers piqued her anxiety. Sticky fingers were filthy, and it was filthier to stick them in her mouth, and she hated ruining clean napkins. Shimmerlace grew out of her compunctions, but by then she noticed something else: Carving a sandwich into a grid caught people's attention. Often, they even commented.

They did not imitate her. Why did Yuki? Was she trying to make her host fit in? Did she share Charlotte's past hangup? Or was she that willing to follow a cue? There was another thing. After Shimmerlace half-revealed her trick, Yuki didn't ask but where did the doubloon come from?

Dynamite Girl.

That got a grin out of the Feychild. She popped the shot of sake. Her mind sloshed gently in her skull. She'd had enough. She felt warm, the hint of a smile in Yuki's normally flat face brightened her flush.

Dynamite Girl. A vision of the Skybeast—with rockets under its wings.

"Purpose, ey?" Shimmerlace breathed in through her nose, then out through her lips. She shifted so her shoulder could rest against the wall and peered up at the skylight. "What I'm hearing is—our Yuki was in want of confidence. Which. Have been there. And in search of that confidence, Yuki sought a place. A wee...corner all her own. That place turned out to be wrestling. And victory. And with the place comes a role, and with the role purpose, and with purpose. Confidence."

It all fit—and it was all familiar. Sans the victory, perhaps. Shimmerlace nodded.

"Mmm. Imagine something for me Yuki." Elbow on the table, Shimmerlace continued to rotate her empty ochoko. "Say you're speaking in a conference for Young Lionesses. There's a room with...Thirty or so promising talents. Onstage, you look over these youngsters. You see—determination. Hunger. They know in their marrow, this is their purpose. They have all worked hard and proved talent."

"But. You know. As everyone knows. The top don't have room for thirty. Perhaps not even five. And you know what chasing their purpose is gonna cost."

In the pause that followed, Shimmerlace let her cup lower and come to rest on the table. Clink. Her gaze shifted back to Yuki. "So. What advice do you give 'em?"

[CaptainL]

"...Confidence?" Yuki's body stiffened as she heard the words leave Shimmerlace's mouth. It was out of reflex, really - when confronted with the thought that someone, some stranger she barely knew and who she couldn't possibly share any common ground with, knew how she worked inside and out, her first instinct was to bristle against the peering eyes, to throw up walls. Only she knew how her mind really worked, she told herself; clearly Shimmer was getting everything wrong, and she was nothing like that. She had to say as much, just to take back agency over her own person. To know that no one got her but her. That no one knew her better than her.

But...she couldn't. Yuki's mouth fell open, ready to throw back a rebuttal, but it stayed there. She stared back at Shimmerlace in silence. Somehow, this stranger who she'd only met once, and spoken with so openly and intimately even fewer times, she got it. All the feelings she was describing, Yuki knew them and understood them all too well. How, for all she wanted to be confident in herself, to know she was doing the right thing, she couldn't find that confidence. How she had sought after a place she could feel good about herself in. To feel like she belonged.

Shutting her mouth, Yuki bowed her head lower, nodding to Shimmer a few times. "...Yes, actually. I can't say I've ever thought about it that way, but...that is what it's like." She was staring off into space for a moment longer, her finger resting atop the rim of her cup, wondering if she really was that easy to read, or else how Shimmer could have known her struggles so well - but then, Shimmer diverted her thoughts with something else that couldn't help but catch her attention.

"Huh? What advice I'd give?" Yuki stopped a moment - she was about to object to the thought of her teaching a class; to the thought that people actually looked up to her. She was just another girl, she thought, barely out of high school and finding her place in the world - the reminder that she had so many devoted fans, that she had inspired others to do what she did, that her old high school still boasted of having her among their alumni, made her blush. It forced her to confront the fact she was more than she was used to thinking about herself as, and that thought was an intimidating one. But she stopped and cleared her throat - she had to take ownership of that glory, if it was what she'd been chasing after for so long. Taking in a breath, she straightened herself in her seat.

"...I guess I'd tell them that, more than anything else...what's important is that you never give up on chasing your dreams. It's going to be hard. You're going to run into obstacles. But no one at the top gets there without working through the trouble, and we all question if we're really doing things right. I'd tell them they're going to do that, too. And that that's okay. But when their inner voice tells them they need to lay down their arms and give up...then they shouldn't listen. Because that's only going to hold them back. You have to be great, whether you think you can or not."

Yuki wanted to feel confident in that answer. And even still, she sucked down a gulp as soon as the words had left her mouth, her feet fidgeting nervously beneath the table. For as much as she'd like to...did she really believe in all of that herself? If not, why give the answer she did, and if so...why was she struggling as much as she was with her self-worth, if she truly knew it was as easy as having faith and moving forward? She thought back to what Shimmerlace had said; how there wouldn't be room at the top for all of them, and her knuckles went white as her fists squeezed a little tighter. Perhaps she was right. But was Yuki one of those select few?

[Malkavia]

Is that you talking, Yuki dear, or is it your super-ego telling you how it ought to be? An image of Yuki began to coalesce from all the night's details in Shimmerlace's mind: Here was a girl who looked so ordinary she could melt into a train station and never be found again, who nevertheless carried a talent and a vision whose scope was dwarfed only by the insecurities they created.

"I reckon I'd tell 'em more or less the same. Though..." Shimmerlace paused to eat the last bite of beef before laying her utensils on her plate. As she dabbed her lips on her napkin, she closed her eyes and sighed. Satisfied. "I'd probably mention a bit more about losing, and how they should plan to be doing it. A lot."

"I'd tell 'em if they love this craft, then a loss should be like this sake." She poured the last of the rice wine into Yuki's cup, then rested her hands, cupped on the table with her fingers touching the round ceramic base. "It burns the tongue when it lands, and the aftertaste is fuckin' bitter—so much you're liable to choke first time you taste it. But, if you can practice patience towards the bitter fermentation...let the rotten stew sit on your palette a tic and listen to the details what it's telling ya. You'll find something more satisfying than easy candy and sugar."

Using both her arms, and without looking up at Yuki, Shimmerlace slid the cup across the table. "I'd seen the Kazikura Destroyer a few times, you know. Through a screen. But tonight I got to see its magic from the perspective of the air, and that, Yuki, is a memory I'm gonna hold dear for a long while yet."

There was no artifice to this last comment. The memory of it smoldered just behind her eyes. The flight, the rush of air over her face. The crash. She felt the sickly sweet pride in playing a part in that spectacle as honestly as any emotion she'd ever scribed into her private journals. But she also remembered something else—Yuki had not been inspired. She had sighed, sagging as she put the Feychild away. In a word, disappointed.

Shimmerlace sighed, pulled away from the drink, which she left in front of Yuki, and drummed her fingers on the table.

"So. You don't think I'm ready for Angie, hm?"

[CaptainL]

At first, when Shimmerlace said that she would tell any aspiring wrestlers the same things Yuki would, the dark-haired girl smiled a little wider. There it was, she thought; there was that sense of connection she shared with Shimmer, the sense that for all their differences in presentation, they really did share a common passion and a common goal. Yuki was, more or less, deciding on a whim to go out for a meal with someone she barely knew, but when Shimmerlace put it like that the visit didn't seem quite so frivolous. There was a purpose to this, maybe. Perhaps even a purpose as to why fate had ordained they be brought together in the first place.

But moments later, when Shimmerlace mentioned that they would lose a lot, too, the smile dropped almost instantly from Yuki's face. She could feel that tension pull tighter inside of her; the pressure around her heart. Her stomach churned as she thought back on all the losses she'd had, and how desperate she had been to run away from them - to do different, to do better. Being reminded of those losses hurt. But perhaps what hurt even more was the fact that Yuki really was letting them get to her as much as she was. Why couldn't she just heed Shimmer's advice? Shouldn't she appreciate even her defeats? Even if she wanted to, she just couldn't. Something in her needed to win, just to hold onto the thought that she could - and was that just tearing her apart from the inside?

"Yeah, I...I guess..." Yuki looked down, her chin pressed against her palm as her eyes meandered over the table. She had been so lost in thought that when Shimmerlace said what she said next, it all but completely caught her off guard; she didn't know how long she had sat there just pondering things. But those few words that left Shimmer's mouth brought everything back into stark, undeniable clarity. At the mention of Angelina Tarrant, that same tension that grasped at her heart felt like a vise.

She didn't know how long it was that she paused and stared off silently into the distance. But eventually, she let out a sigh and sank lower in her seat. "...Look. I'm just...going to say this." Her brow furrowed and she bit at the inside of her cheek. Her hands slipped below the surface of the table and balled tighter. How was she going to explain this, she thought, without admitting weakness on her part? How could she warn Shimmerlace about Angelina without admitting as to why she feared her, too?"

"...Angelina Tarrant...is completely ruthless. She isn't just an opponent. Once you're in her sights, she will not let you go. She'll hunt you to the ends of the earth, and there is nothing too low or too underhanded for her to do. The fact that she showed up in our match - a match she wasn't even in - should tell you enough of that. She didn't care about you, she just wanted to threaten me, and she was willing to use you as nothing more than a means to that end. And you don't even know the half of it..."

Her eyelid twitching, Yuki scooted a little closer, continuing in a soft voice - almost as though she was afraid of anyone hearing, even if they were in a private room. Or perhaps she was afraid of herself hearing it? "She found where I live, Shimmerlace. She showed up to my home just to make sure I wouldn't feel safe. She's ambushed me in public. She's left me watching over my shoulder. Even now, I can't know I'm safe from her. And she'll take whatever she can from you, just to make sure you don't forget her. You couldn't beat me, and I was just trying to best you in a match. Angelina doesn't do that. Angelina wants you destroyed."

[Malkavia]

The whole time Yuki talked, Shimmerlace's eyes gleamed. She leaned over the table, slowly. Her plate was clean, and her utensils were stacked neatly on the side. When Yuki finished speaking, Shimmerlace licked her lips, looked down at the table, nodded slowly. Then, she looked back to Yuki.

"Of course. She is...exceedingly dangerous. Particularly once she's got you in her crosshairs. Which." She laughed, dryly. "I suppose might finally apply to me. Ain't it funny, I've spent all this year jumping up and down, shouting, painting the walls pink trying to get her to notice. To no success. Then suddenly I spend fifteen minutes with you in a ring, and—" Her eyes flicked at her forehead. The arced slice across her brow was light pink in the low light of the restaurant. "Howdy hoo. I might finally have what I wanted."

"I'm not ignorant when it comes to our Angie, Yuki. When it comes to the Scarlet Terror, there's not an article written nor video published on her actions that I haven't reviewed twice. Every match she's in, I've seen it. Analyzed it. Evaluated myself against it." Three knocks on the table with Shimmer's fist punctuated the words. "And it's not like I'm lacking my own battlescars. I lost my best friend to her, not to mention—" Tap tap. Her index finger indicated the gold implant that replaced her molar number 31. "That's at least one piece of me I'm not getting back. A bit of my health chipped away forever. And who knows how much worse it'll be now that I've convinced her to care, hm?"

"I know the risks. And I know my..." She breathed deep, in and out, looked away. Shrugged. "Shortcomings. Believe me. If I could take another year or two to hone up and catch up to her. I might just. But she's got Thistle, and he's getting on in rabbit years. And more than that, if I turn down this opportunity. God. Well, she might just decide to get me out of the ring if I did something that fuckin' stupid. But even if not. I'd certainly not get another chance from her. Ever. She'd think me a coward. And you know, I'm not sure she's wrong."

"Be real with me, Yuki." Her eyes had not returned to Yuki. Instead, she picked up the silver and gold coins, one at a time. She stacked them in front of her, forming a growing column of coins. "If it was you in my position. If you weren't ready. But she was still there, and Thistle was still hers, and your corner in LAW still felt broken. Are you really telling me you'd back down?"

[CaptainL]

When she saw Shimmerlace gesture up toward the mark on her forehead where Angelina had sliced into her skin - one that was still faintly visible in the low light - Yuki couldn't help but wince. Just having to think about it now was a reminder of the harrowing sights she had witnessed in that ring, and it made something drop in the pit of her stomach. But what was perhaps even more unnerving, to Yuki, was how casual Shimmer was being about all this. That she was joking about it. That she was actually laughing. Yuki had, for months now, lived in constant fear of the Marauder, on edge and waiting for her to jump her at any moment. Even so much as walking down the street couldn't be trusted any more - anywhere she looked, she was scanning the crowds for red hair and horns; her surroundings for any potential hiding places. But Shimmerlace...didn't even seem like she cared.

When she went on - discussing the injuries she'd faced against Angelina, pointing out her missing tooth - Yuki just bit her lip, and her fingers tightened around the edge of the table as her muscles firmed up involuntarily. The thought that this wouldn't be the end for Angelina made her gulp. But also, every word reminded her of her fears. She knew the accepted wisdom in the wrestling world - one only had so many bumps in them they could take before they had to start thinking about retiring. When Yuki had been through the hospital more times than she would care to admit in recent memory, she had to ask herself just what her bump card looked like right now, and how much longer she would be able to keep this up. And then...where could she go? Yuki didn't want to think about that, because she didn't want to accept it as a possibility that she would ever need to ask herself that question. But here, Shimmerlace had thrust that thought in front of her, into stark, undeniable awareness, whether she wanted to or not.

But what would truly make Yuki's blood run cold, what would make her freeze up where she sat, came later - when Shimmerlace addressed her directly. Yuki wanted to watch the motions Shimmer's fingers made as they flit between the stacks of coins. She wanted to distract herself from what she was being forced to confront right now. But she couldn't. She stared a thousand-yard stare straight through the Feychild - because even if what she said might have been couched in hypotheticals, to Yuki, it hit the core of the problem all too well.

"...No," she muttered, letting out a soft exhale as her shoulders began to deflate. "No, I wouldn't." Because she herself felt backed into a corner. Because she knew Angelina wouldn't wait until they were in the ring to antagonize her. And more importantly, because she needed to show the world that she wasn't a coward - even if she wasn't sure how true that was. When Yuki looked at Shimmerlace, she could see that, for all they may have differed in presentation and theatrics, at the core, they had more in common than they thought.

"I wouldn't back down. But...I don't really have to imagine that. Because I feel the same way..." She scooted a little closer - even if they had the room to themselves, what she was about to say still felt so personal, so private, something that she could entrust only with Shimmerlace alone, that she felt it necessary.

"And, honestly...I don't feel ready either."