Constructive criticism

[JollyRoger]

I write my posts with autocorrect, but my laptop keyboard is so totally different from a reegular keyboard that it sometimes swallows letters. And when I have written a post, I cursory read it again but still sometimes don´t see what is missing.

Then there is also the thing that I am not a native speaker so grammar is sometimes hard to do correctly.

[Noob]

persinaly Im not a grammer nazi buy I can totaly nderstand y peeple dont realy loke it when its constint and your overwelm'd buy it.

[SuckerPunch]

@JollyRoger Like I said, you can tell the difference between a thoughtful post. We all make mistakes. We all have grammar quirks or spelling errors or code swap.

If you reread your post or apply spellcheck, then you almost certainly aren't guilty of anything like that.

@Noob Illustrated my point irritatingly well haha.

[Monsy]

Soo. Been here for like a year and a week-ish annnnd I think that marks a good time to ask for constructive criticism for, well..everything.

Never written a wrestling RP prior to LAW, so I'm still pretty diddly darn green in this genre and fish for opinions a lot. Any help/feedback/critique on my writing, characters, portrayals, or matches would be highly appreciated if someone is willing to spare the time! Thx.

[winner3]

Soo. Been here for like a year and a week-ish annnnd I think that marks a good time to ask for constructive criticism for, well..everything.

Never written a wrestling RP prior to LAW, so I'm still pretty diddly darn green in this genre and fish for opinions a lot. Any help/feedback/critique on my writing, characters, portrayals, or matches would be highly appreciated if someone is willing to spare the time! Thx.

I had planned to make time to try to offer in-depth and useful input. But I was tied up the last couple days. So I'll do the best I can at a glance.

I wanted to make this effort because I've noticed on more than one occasion that too frequently request feedback, which I think is great. It's good to want to improve continuously in quantifiable ways. But I think it's also good to acknowledge the things that you're doing well.

I want to say that I like the way you lay you your character profiles and roster page. I think the character descriptions on your roster page are succinct and offer reasonable insight into who each character is. And I think there's a wealth of detail in your character profiles. Reading each one gives me a good idea of their backgrounds and what makes each of them their identity.

One thing I will say, and this isn't something that extends to you specifically, I say this with most new people when they make their first character, but I will say that for some of your characters, I'm unsure what their goals at LAW are. And I think that's something that's good to have to hunt towards in some way. Not everyone needs a clearly defined or concise goal. For example, I think your Karla character is perfectly fine as is. It will often be the case that character discover their short term goals as they interact with other characters and as rp'ers explore what it's like to play them. But I think most character development in pro wrestling occurs in story arcs and there's usually a goal to chase/achieve with each arc.

Like I said earlier, I'll see some time aside to see if there anything else that I think could be useful for you to do. I need to read your threads thoroughly. But I honestly think that you've come a long way since you've first joined and that you're a pretty solid rp'er

[Monsy]

Soo. Been here for like a year and a week-ish annnnd I think that marks a good time to ask for constructive criticism for, well..everything.

Never written a wrestling RP prior to LAW, so I'm still pretty diddly darn green in this genre and fish for opinions a lot. Any help/feedback/critique on my writing, characters, portrayals, or matches would be highly appreciated if someone is willing to spare the time! Thx.

I had planned to make time to try to offer in-depth and useful input. But I was tied up the last couple days. So I'll do the best I can at a glance.

I wanted to make this effort because I've noticed on more than one occasion that too frequently request feedback, which I think is great. It's good to want to improve continuously in quantifiable ways. But I think it's also good to acknowledge the things that you're doing well.

I want to say that I like the way you lay you your character profiles and roster page. I think the character descriptions on your roster page are succinct and offer reasonable insight into who each character is. And I think there's a wealth of detail in your character profiles. Reading each one gives me a good idea of their backgrounds and what makes each of them their identity.

One thing I will say, and this isn't something that extends to you specifically, I say this with most new people when they make their first character, but I will say that for some of your characters, I'm unsure what their goals at LAW are. And I think that's something that's good to have to hunt towards in some way. Not everyone needs a clearly defined or concise goal. For example, I think your Karla character is perfectly fine as is. It will often be the case that character discover their short term goals as they interact with other characters and as rp'ers explore what it's like to play them. But I think most character development in pro wrestling occurs in story arcs and there's usually a goal to chase/achieve with each arc.

Like I said earlier, I'll see some time aside to see if there anything else that I think could be useful for you to do. I need to read your threads thoroughly. But I honestly think that you've come a long way since you've first joined and that you're a pretty solid rp'er

Thx for taking the time to type all this out lol. Also for the kind words.

I can defo agree some of mine won’t have clear-cut strong motives / a tangible goal / end game pursuit. But I can explain the drives for each chara if you’d like! But yeah, thinking of motives that can transfer into a wrestling arc has been a huge struggle of mine because I’m used to well — NON wrestling settings.

When I get around to it tho, I’ll probs try to rectify this the best I can bit by bit. At least try, that is.

[Deskfan45]

So, I've been thinking about Sky's back story lately, and wanted to get some feedback on it. What do you guys think?

Skylar Jones was born and raised in a small town in Iowa. Her mother, Maya, was seventeen years old at the time. Though having a good heart, Maya was a very reckless parent. See, her hobby was to sleep with any man she could get her hands in, giving little consideration to whether or not he was taken. She often found herself getting into fights with girlfriends and wives. One Saturday afternoon, a 6 year old Skylar was left watching cartoons in the living room as Maya had her fun upstairs. Eventually, the little girl got thirsty. Looking to ask her mother for something to drink, the girl made her way upstairs to Maya's bedroom. As she cracked the door open, she witnessed something no child should see. Bound by curiosity, little Skylar stood there, undetected as she watched her mother make love to a man she'd met only hours ago. From that day forward, the girl would sneak up the stairs when ever she got the chance, and peak in on what her mom was up to.

As Skylar grew older, she began to inherit her mother's habits. In Middle School, she developed a tendency to flirt with any boy she took interest in, even if she knew he had a girlfriend. This, combined with Skylar's already vulgar personality, caused Skylar to be disliked by most of her peers. Not one girl wanted anything to do with Skylar, and the boys, though many found her attractive, saw her as a deplorable person. Being so publicly despised, it was only natural people would eventually start to pick fights with her. Oddly, Skylar seemed to enjoy fighting. To her, it was the most exciting thing ever. The brunette developed a reputation as a fearsome brawler among her classmates, and not someone to mess around with. Yet, that didn't seem to deter the girlfriends of the boys she flirted with, not that she minded.

One day, Skylar was having trouble choosing where to sit when eating her lunch. Not many people were keen on her company, and told her to fuck off. Eventually, the brunette came across a table that was completely empty, save for a shy girl in her class, Ky'ra Yazav. Having no other choice, Skylar sat down, and tried to start a conversation. Though shy, Ky'ra was nicer to the brunette than anyone else, and became Skylar's first friend. The two sat together every day after that, neither having a single friend besides each other. Sky came to care deeply for her only friend.

Later on, Skylar came to know of a girl named Gracie, who seemed to enjoy making Ky'ra's life a living hell. This enraged the brunette to no end. Ky'ra was her only friend, the only person in this miserable school to show her a shred of kindness, and this was how she was treated!? The straw that broke the camels back came one lunch period, when Gracie snuck up behind Ky'ra with a carton of milk, and poured it's contents onto the girl's raven hair, all while Skylar sat just next to her. Enraged, the thirteen-year-old stood up, and threw the hardest punch she could into Gracie's jaw. As the bully was sent tumbling to the floor, Skylar showed no mercy, relentlessly beating her to a bloody pulp until several teachers managed to pull her off. From that day forward, Gracie didn't dare look Skylar or Ky'ra in the eye ever again. This horrific act of violence made one thing clear to every mean girl and bully in the school: Ky'ra Yazav was off limits.

In her senior year of High School, Skylar began practicing something she'd always had an interest in: Professional Wrestling. Loving to fight so much, it was only natural the brunette take interest in combat sports. She signed onto a local indie promotion, and was quick to make a name for herself, soon adopting the moniker "Brawling Puppet". After graduating High School, Skylar was completely cut off her already long leash. Now an adult, she could have her fun with any man she wanted! The brunette developed a reputation around town for sleeping with taken men. It was a common occurrence for an unfortunate house wife to walk into her home and see the woman making love to her husband with a cocky smirk.

One day, Skylar came to hear of a foreign wrestling promotion known as LAW. The brunette wanted to aim for bigger and better things than a simple indie wrestler. Eventually, Skylar made the difficult decision to move to Japan, starting a new life. She said goodbye to Ky'ra, who had become a well known hentai wrestler in the same promotion as her, and set off to start a new life and a new chapter of her career.

[winner3]

So, I've been thinking about Sky's back story lately, and wanted to get some feedback on it. What do you guys think?

I meant to reply to this some time ago. I apologize for taking a while. Doing what I can to help this thread not die lol


You mentioned looking for feedback. I don't know if you're looking for anything specific. My thought on the backstory quoted is that it was an easy enough story to follow. I felt it was cohesive. I feel like I could have done with some more details about the pivotal points of Skylar's life. I'll try to list out the questions that I came away with after reading it.


It's heavily implied that her tendency to sleep around spurred from her having spied on her mother being intimate with many men. And that Sky is merely taking after her mother's example. Is there any more to it than that? Is it coincidence that her mom was the same way? As a neutral party reading this, I would assume that Maya had some kinds of deep-rooted condition or trauma afflicting her, and that promiscuity was her coping mechanism. And I'd assume that Skylar is in a very similar boat. But that's me making assumptions rather than actually knowing after having read the backstory.


I was surprised to see no mention of any repercussions for Skylar attacking Gracie the way she did. It's mentioned that several teachers had to seemingly work together to pull her off Gracie, but then we immediately cut to Gracie's adjusted attitude and her no longer being confrontational with Skylar or Ky'ra. Maybe this is my age showing, but when I went to high school, "horrific acts of violence" and "beating someone to a bloody pulp" would land you a lot more than just a couple weeks in detention. I feel like it would/should stand to reason that Maya would be more involved at this point in the backstory. And I think that it would also stand to reason that Skylar would be served a punishment worth talking about. It could be that her getting suspended long term or even expelled is what helps her discover wrestling and the indy promotion that she ends up working at.


We leave off with Skylar having signed with LAW as the next logical step in her career as a pro wrestler. It'd be neat to see if there were any details involved there. Seeing how she proved herself worthy of being scouted/signed, or hearing about what she did to earn a LAW contract could be a neat idea imo. It would also be neat to learn if there's any tangible goals that Skylar has at LAW. What made the journey to LAW make it worth saying goodbye to Ky'ra? Does she plan to see her again? Is she trying to succeed for the sake of her best friend? Does she want to be the best wrestler she can be? Does she want to be the best wrestler in the world, period?


All in all, I don't have any strictly negative feedback to offer. If I had to sum up my feedback as a TLDR: it would be nice to have a few more details so that we have an idea for what drives this character and what her goals are both inside and outside of the ring.

I hope this was helpful in some small capacity.

If anyone else wants constructive criticism, I reply slowly, but I'm here.

[Deskfan45]

Thanks Winner. I did have a few over sights here, especially with the Gracie incident. lol. I'll think on ways to smooth these over. Thanks again!

Oh, and what I was going for with explaining Sky's promiscuity was seeing her mom have sex at such an impressionable age gave her an obsessive fascination with it. Definitely could've explained that better.

[SimplePride]

I'm almost afraid to post here again, but, this time I think I have a legitimate complaint.

I'm fine if you or a character you own doesn't do intergender/mixed matches, but, make sure you MAKE IT CLEAR that you don't.