Alignment: Heel
Combined Weight: 250 lb (113.4 kg)
Entrance Theme
You Hold, I Punch
What names should we use to address you two?
Ashley: Andy and Leyley.
Andrew: For fuck’s sake, stop telling people that. I would prefer to be called ‘Andrew,’ please. I guess Ashley can go by whatever she wants, but I think ‘Leyley’ sounds pretty childish.
Ashley: Boooo. I can’t be ‘Leyley’ without my ‘Andy.’ ‘Andy and Leyley’ has such a nice ring to it, ‘Andrew and Leyley’ sounds wrong.
Andrew: Well, I guess we’re just going to have to go by ‘Andrew and Ashley.’
Ashley: Whatever. You’ll come around eventually, Aaandyyy~
Andrew: Ugh…
What strategies do you two employ in your individual matches, and how do those strategies change to accommodate your partner in team matches?
Ashley: I like to hit people until they stop moving.
Andrew: Classy. But, yeah, I’ll admit, my style isn’t that refined yet either. I use a combination of throws and strikes, whatever’s opportune, until I get into a position where I can get the opponent into a hold. Repeat until the match ends. As far as changing to accommodate Ashley… I mean, in tornado matches, I try to keep an eye on her, obviously, get in there when she’s getting her ass beat, but we’re not very good at doing any fancy, coordinated attacks yet. Just trying to learn the basics for now.
Ashley: Sometimes, Andy holds people down while I hit them.
Andrew: Yeah, that’s always nice. Of course, there’s also tag matches, and then I just have to take down two opponents on my own.
Ashley: Excuse me?! Fuck you asshole, I do more than my fair share.
Andrew: You fight for, like, ten seconds before tagging me in.
Ashley: I do a lot of damage in those ten seconds, it’s not my fault that you work so slow. I’m just trying to use my resources effectively, and you’re my favorite resource.
Andrew rolled his eyes and didn’t comment further.
Do you two feel comfortable participating in hentai matches together?
Andrew: …Uhm…
Ashley: It doesn’t really matter, we need the cash.
Andrew: …Sorry, I tried telling her that bringing up money is extremely rude. But yeah, fine, we are in a bit of a tight spot, and yes, watching my sister get disrobed and stuffed with silicone is a little awkward.
Ashley: Eh, I don’t really care about that so much. Not like it’s the first time I’ve seen you naked.
Andrew: …Goddamnit, Ashley, you can’t say shit like that without context. What she means is that we grew up in a lower income household and had to share a bedroom for most of our lives, so yes, inevitably, mistakes would-
Ashley: Now, what’s really annoying is that Andy stinks like unwashed pussy and sweaty armpit everytime we come home for the night.
Andrew: More like I smell like that god-awful skunk spray you keep insisting on using.
Ashley: I think the pussy and sweat smell is worse. The skunk spray does you a favor by covering it up.
Andrew: Hmph. You don’t smell so good after a match either…
Ashley: Anyway, I guess it’s nice that Andy’s got no trouble winning, as long as he’s actually trying. Who wouldn’t want this handsome, brooding emo with pretty green eyes and an enormous dick? He’s very popular with the ladies. A little too popular for my taste. I don’t want any of these hussies at LAW to get the wrong idea.
Andrew: …OK, one, I’m not emo. I had a grunge phase in highschool, at worst. Two, please quit commenting on my dick. It’s not even a weirdly huge size, it’s only two or three centimeters above average-
Ashley: Oh my God, did you actually measure it?! Hahaha!
Andrew: Anyway, three, what ‘wrong idea’ do you think our coworkers are going to get?
Ashley: That you’re available.
Andrew: I am, technically, available. I’m not dating anyone right now.
Ashley: No, you are not available, because you’re dedicated to me and our team, right?
Andrew: …Yes, I am. I don’t see why I can’t be dedicated and have a girlfriend at the same time.
Ashley: Hm, well, we both know that you don’t have the best track record when it comes to multitasking.
A tense silence was shared between the two interviewees before the interviewer decided to move on to the next question.
How would you describe your relationship outside of the ring?
Andrew: Ah, my most beloved parasite.
Ashley: What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
Andrew: Hey, I called you ‘beloved.’
Ashley: Explain exactly what makes me seem like a parasite.
Andrew: A creature that clings to me at all times, drains my energy, and refuses to do anything on its own. Ring any bells?
Ashley: Fuck off, Aandyy. You’re the one who couldn’t live without me. Need I remind you, you’re the one crawling into my bed, snuggling oh so close to your darling little sister when you’ve been tortured by night terrors.
Andrew: Ashley, don’t talk about that here!
Ashley: Whaaat? Are you afraid that people will find out how bad you need me? How I’m the only person who you can show who you really are?
Andrew: Stop. This is-
Ashley: The only one you can be honest with, the only one you can talk to about anything? The only one who would ever accept you, after that bitch in the-
Andrew slapped his hand over Ashley’s mouth.
Andrew: That’s enough! Don’t you- graaah!
Andrew ripped his hand back. Interviewer noted what appeared to be blood on Ashley’s lips.
Andrew: You little FUCKING CUNT!
Andrew grabbed Ashley by her hair and started to throttle her. Ashley started punching Andrew in the chest. Interviewer relocated beneath their desk and pressed its panic button. Security arrived within approximately thirty seconds to deescalate the situation.
All occupants of the room were asked to remain inside while security located the paperwork necessary to file an incident report. Interviewer overheard the following exchange between the interviewees.
Andrew: …too far, you promised you’d keep your mouth shut about-
Ashley: You promised that I’d always be your first priority!
Andrew: Shhh, quiet. You are still my first priority, that hasn’t-
Ashley: You call your first priority a parasite, a creature?
Andrew: I was kidding, I didn’t know you would take it that personally!
Ashley: …You weren’t, though. Not really.
A few seconds passed; Andrew wrapped his arm around Ashley’s shoulders to guide her back into his lap.
Andrew: Look, parasite or not, it’s still my number one goal to keep you safe… I’m sorry if my teasing made you think otherwise.
Ashley curled her arms around Andrew’s neck and laid her head on his chest.
Ashley: …More.
Andrew: …Are you… Jesus, fine. Ashley, I offer my most humble and sincere condolences for the irreparable emotional damage that I hath wrought upon thy tender black heart. Calling an amazing, beautiful specimen such as yourself a ‘parasite’ was the most dire of lexical errors, perhaps the worst that has passed in history, and will ever come to pass in the future.
Ashley: Yes! Keep going!
Andrew: I bow before you and grovel at your feet to beg for your forgiveness. I could take forty times forty lashes, and it would still never compare to the pain I have caused and justly deserve.
Ashley laughed. Andrew appeared to kiss the top of her head.
Andrew: Are we good now?
Ashley: Yeah, I guess so, hehehe…
Andrew: Are you going to apologize for what you said?
Ashley: Nope! I didn’t do anything wrong.
Andrew: …
Ashley: …Fiiine, I won’t bring up those things at LAW again.
Andrew: Thank you. We need to be more careful, they can’t-
Security reentered the room. The interviewees’ conversation ended.
Interviewer would like to submit a request for personal leave.
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Rejected team gimmick. Andy said no.