Alias: Andy
Sex: Male
Age: 22
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Green
Height: 5’7’’ (170 cm)
Weight: 140 lb (63.5 kg)
Nationality: An obscure northern European country
Alignment: Heel (true neutral)
Entrance Theme
Me and Ashley fucking around
Hello, pleasure to meet you. I understand that you wanted to ask me a few questions as a new member of LAW? Fine by me. You can call me ‘Andrew,’ by the way. I know my sister added the name ‘Andy’ to some of my documents, but I prefer ‘Andrew.’
How did your life lead you to join us here at LAW?
Well, I was originally working on earning an English Literature BA; I imagine that I might’ve used it to become an English professor or something. Writing poetry for a living would’ve been cool, but even at the time, I kind of knew that was a pipe dream. I was living at home and commuting to school when we were told that the water supply at our apartment was infested with some kind of parasite. We were quarantined for months, I couldn’t attend any of my classes, and, eventually, I got kicked out. Then, our building caught on fire and burned to the ground. Thankfully, there were few casualties - I know the news at the time was sensationalizing the whole thing, saying that no one got out alive, but, you know how the news is. We’re here, obviously. Anyway, it turns out that the parasite infestation was just a big misunderstanding, so we were free to go. Unfortunately, all of our possessions, including our IDs and other personal documents, were destroyed in the fire, and it’s hard to apply for college or most jobs without that stuff. I’m sure I’ll get all of that sorted out and go back to school in the future, but, until then, we’re grateful to LAW for taking us on.
What do you enjoy about wrestling?
I really enjoy wrestling as a beautiful institution that brings many people together of diverse backgrounds to bond in the shared human experience of soulful entertainment that touches the hearts of millions.
Interviewer notes that Andrew delivered this response with a rather bland smile and flat tone.
What do you like to do outside of LAW?
- Reading, mostly poetry, Gothic romance, and horror
- Cooking - this is how I got so much practice handling my cleaver, chopping lots of different ingredients for meals
- Watching and reading the news - I think that it’s important to be an informed citizen and keep up with current events
- Long walks in nature (Interviewer notes that Andrew was fidgeting with a carton of cigarettes on the table while providing this answer)
I offered to do it alone, but she wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. We’re both very… protective of each other, like most siblings are. There was an incident when we were young, when one of Ashley’s classmates went missing. Everyone in the community was shaken up by it, especially Ashley - she might not look like it, but she can be pretty sensitive. And then, of course, there was the quarantine, and food rations started… dwindling… and then the fire. It’s a lot for someone to go through who’s still so young. I’m her big brother, I need to keep her close and watch out for her, even if she can be a pain sometimes.
Would you say that you’re closer with your sister than most people are with their siblings?
Andrew declined to provide further comment.
Wrestling Information
Style: Grappler
Throws: 3/5
I do enjoy slinging a bitch into a pole. Throws are useful for softening opponents up and getting them into a position where I can latch into a hold.
Strikes: 3/5
I think I can throw a decent punch, but when I’m doing it over and over again, it’s hard for me to catch my breath. Using my paddle is good because it doesn’t require a lot of energy to deliver a painful strike, if you know what you’re doing.
Aerial Techniques: 0/5
Yeah, I’m not going to shatter an elbow or knee jumping around and doing all that fancy shit on the ropes. Ashley can handle that part on her own.
Holds: 4/5
This seems like a no-brainer, just grab on and chill. If you know where to lock your arms and legs and you can get yourself there at least once, it’s pretty easy. Chokeholds are especially effective for getting a match over with quickly.
Finishing Move:
Chained to the Grave
Doormat Extraordinaire: If your sister needed you, wouldn’t you do anything that you could to help her? Granted, most sisters probably aren’t as dumb and reckless as Ashley can be. I can try talking her out of her worst impulses, but sometimes there’s just no getting through to her. All I can do is be there for her. I don’t have any other choice.
Smoker’s Lungs: Yeah, I know, nasty habit. I’ve been meaning to quit. I can get a little short of breath sometimes, not so great with extended cardio. Also, while we’re on the subject… LAW’s benefits have been very generous, but could I suggest adding smoke breaks to shifts?
Just Doing My Job: I’ll be honest, the more show-boaty aspects of wrestling are a little… off-putting to me. Not that I’m not glad that other people are enjoying their jobs, but I’m kind of a ‘get in, do the job, and get out’ kind of guy. It feels weird trying to go against that instinct. Some people are so passionate about this that they’ll let their bodies be destroyed and never tap out. I wouldn’t call myself a quitter, but the risks that I’m willing to take to win a match are calculated, and I prefer to clock out on time.
Props of Choice
Meat Cleaver: I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with handling my cleaver. It’s nothing fancy, just a standard kitchen knife that I inherited from mom. I like the weight of it in my hand, and it works wonders to immobilize an opponent.
Cigs and Lighter: You should be thanking me for keeping my lighter on me at all times; Ashley has a habit of stealing it and setting fires at my places of work so I’ll ‘take a day off to hang out.’ As for the cigarettes, well, if I can’t get an official smoke break, I just have to make one for myself. I think that shows initiative, personally.
Paddle: …Don’t give me that look. If Ashley was your sister, you would invest in one of these too. She didn’t really have a strong parental figure growing up, and someone had to discipline her, so… Anyway, I know my way around using it pretty well, if anyone else needs to come to me for ‘correcting.’
Nothing beats cutting open a fresh jelly-filled donut