Roleplaying - An Introspection

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PrinceArjuna332
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Roleplaying - An Introspection

Unread post by PrinceArjuna332 »

Just something that I wanna share, based from my experience and observation as a roleplayer.

I've been an active roleplayer for more than 10 years now. I actually started roleplaying on the internet at the age of 20, far later than most roleplayers out there who started out during their middle to high school years. Well, by the age of 20, I wasn't exactly mature enough, but I was already considered an adult at that time when I got myself into roleplaying, getting myself surrounded by people who were presumably younger than me. And I actually started out in a SFW roleplay. To be more specific, I joined a Persona roleplay community, and I enjoyed it so much that to this day, I keep chasing the same high that I felt when I roleplayed there.

But then, I graduated from college and then got myself a job. From there, I started to drift away from the aforementioned community. I kept telling myself that I simply outgrew the community and my interest in Persona had waned. A degenerate that I was and still am, I started dipping my toes into the more adult-oriented roleplay, and it happened that I started to have interest in wrestling. Not that I didn't know about wrestling before, but the idea of sexy wrestling kind of appealed to me so much that I went around looking for something to satisfy my need. From there, I discovered AFW (Anime Female Wrestling), and I was hooked. It was year 2017.

Perhaps for three years or so, I stayed there, growing more degenerate than before. But something was missing. I didn't feel the same high as I felt back then when I was roleplaying in the Persona community. Was it the lack of social interactions between characters? I tried returning to my old community that is still alive to this day (though less active than before), but I simply couldn't recapture the magic that I felt back then. Feeling a little disappointed, I left the community, perhaps for good, and focused more on wrestling roleplay. For a while, I just coasted along, just roleplaying without feeling much satisfaction. It was hard to feel the catharsis from roleplaying. It felt like I was just collecting wins and losses for my characters, and not much else.

And then, LAW was up. I joined LAW, thinking that starting fresh might do me good. Perhaps I could reach the satisfaction that I need, maybe even recapture the same rush and high that I felt back then. Bit by bit, I started to become less and less active in AFW, and then, I stopped roleplaying in AFW entirely, putting my entire focus on LAW. Perhaps a fresh start was all I needed, I thought to myself. There, I met new people who weren't in AFW, and for a while, I thought that perhaps I was satisfied enough. I was even able to commission arts for my characters, something that I was unable to do back then.

Of course, the satisfaction somewhat wore off as time went on. I started to feel something was missing again. Was it the same problem that I had back then in AFW? I tried dabbling on roleplaying in other fandoms, but none of them clicked with me. From there, I realized that I might not be able to feel the same rush, that high that I felt back then, and resigned myself to a slow decline. One day, I may not feel any satisfaction in roleplaying anymore and may quit roleplaying entirely. I'm not sure how much time I have left in me, but someday, I may post my farewell and say goodbye to roleplay for good.

Well, there's still hope that I may be able to feel the same feeling again, the same rush that I had back then, recapture the magic and stuff like that. But I won't hold too much hope on that.

Tldr; I just got old and currently having a midlife crisis.

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