Scratching the Surface

[Malkavia]

"No, I suppose you don't. And who's to say you're wrong?"

By then, Shimmerlace had emptied her plate. The pleasant buzz of her meal emanated from her stomach and sparkled like champagne on the surface of her brain. Or perhaps that was the alcohol.

"I mean, you're immensely talented, Yuki. No one Earth can take that from you. And of course you famously work day and night—as prodigious in your effort as in your native ability."

"In a fair world, a sane world, victory for our Yuki would be written in the stars."

Shimmerlace leaned back into her chair, hands on her belly. She drummed with her fingers on that tum. Ba-dum pa-vum. As serious as her words were, she felt light. A half-smile kind of contentment. There would be owls on the table soon.

"But it's not a fair world, is it?"

[CaptainL]

The moment the words had left her mouth, Yuki looked down, letting out a long sigh. Everything was silent. Everything stood still for what felt like an eternity. Realistically, it couldn't have been more than a few seconds - but to Yuki, that didn't matter. The girl was adrift in her own thoughts - staring into the uncertain future, not knowing what would await her on the other side. Not knowing if anything would - if she even had a future. A pang of anxiety tugged at her stomach. It was a reality she didn't want to confront. Yet, she knew all too well she didn't have a choice. She had to confront it - Angelina was still out there. Still after her. And as long as she was, as long as the business between them remained unfinished, Yuki couldn't hide from it.

Even when Shimmerlace spoke next, Yuki didn't budge. Her stare remained fixed where it was, straight down into the table at the empty plate. She heard what Shimmerlace said, of course - but those words stuck in her, ringing around her head. They lingered in her thoughts.

Yes, it was true. Yuki was gifted. She had been hailed as a wrestling prodigy even before she was out of high school. She had the skills, and she had the work ethic, always dedicating herself to reach further, to push herself harder; to make herself into the best person she could be. She'd put herself through all sorts of grueling matches in the name of proving herself, facing challenges anyone else would've shied away from in terror. And, in spite of all the pain and suffering she'd endured, she still got back in the ring. By all means, she shouldn't have had anything to worry about.

And yet, she had. Because she herself had seen that sometimes, all those qualities weren't enough. She knew that in facing such challenges, she had to face their fallout. And she knew full well why she still got back in the ring in spite of it all - because she didn't have anywhere else.

At last, Yuki let out a long sigh - a sigh that caused her body to half-deflate, sinking lower into her chair. "...That's...kind of the problem," she said. "You're right. I have all those things going for me. I should be the big hero. I should be ready to take her on. If there's anyone out there who can stand up to her, it should be me, and yet-" She stopped, something hitching in her throat before she looked down again.

"And yet...I still don't think I can do it. If all the successes of my past don't help me...what will?"

[Malkavia]

Oh, dumb luck, was what Shimmerlace wanted to say. And if she'd really been honest, she might have added A careful analysis and shameless exploitation of her personality defects both in and outside the ring. Sneaking poison into her water bottle. Holding her beloved personal treasures for ransom.

You know, the shit she's got the balls to be doing to you.

Except—was that a...hitch in ol' Yukes's throat? That certainly dragged Shimmerlace down from whatever lofty column she'd been pontificating from previously. Fuck.

Shimmerlace wasn't sure how she'd managed to wriggle into this position. She wasn't sure she wanted to be in this position. Hell, all she really wanted in the most secret and selfish cockles of Shimmerlace's fey heart was for Yuki to be in the audience for Apex. But fuck—she couldn't help it. The way Yuki was talking made Shimmerlace want to like. Hug her or some shit. Or slap her. Something on that line.

"Er, listen. Yuki. You know you can always, just, y'know..."

Call the cops?

Shimmerlace's voice caught in a knot in her tongue. No she fucking can't! How am I gonna rip my rabbit away from a cunt in prison, huh?! But more...relevantly, if not importantly, that wasn't Yuki's real problem either, was it? It wasn't just safety from the terror Yuki craved.

Would Shimmerlace ever, in a million fucking years spinning through every possible god damn world where LAW played out, call the cops to get her Thistle? Of course not. Hell, she wouldn't even accept Yuki's help if the prodigy offered to pay to double-team the Marauder in a sparring session. There was artful cheating, and then there was dependence, and Shimmerlace had experienced dependence.

"Ehh... Actually, Y'know I was just about to say something real fuckin' dumb. I'll stow that. Sorry. But look—" Shimmerlace sighed and leaned up against table. She folded her hands and let them rest over the coins she'd been toying with earlier. "You're setting yourself up here to be a real lonely hero, y'know. Which, mind, is not a criticism." She raised her hands, palms out, and even managed a bit of a smile. "I get it. It's pretty God damn romantic. But, eh. Well. I guess one thing I was gonna say earlier that isn't dumb is there's a lot of luck to this game we're playing. Everyone's gotta face the dealer no matter how genius they are as players, ya dig?"

"So, that means failure is a real possibility. No matter what. And you've got to make peace with that, or you're gonna spend so much time ruminating over imagined failures, it's gonna swallow you right down its giant's gullet. And then you really are fucked. You know? Like—well, say...Ech..."

Shimmerlace was feeling increasingly grateful the restaurant was so empty. She worried about poor Kimiko and her capacity to keep the door's open, but fuck was the privacy nice sometimes. Shimmerlace continued but with a lowered voice, almost a whisper. Stupid, really. What was she hiding from? But sometimes giving voice to something seemed to make it real.

"Say you really are only the second best lightweight, and you get unlucky, and Angelina...fuck, y'know. Does unto thee tomorrow what you've done unto me tonight. Well, life's gonna keep on turning, yeah? Like it or no. So—how're you gonna make that OK, Yuki? How do you make that life good?"

[CaptainL]

"Hm?" For just a moment, Yuki looked up from her introspection when she heard Shimmerlace speak up, only for whatever thought the pink-haired girl had to die in her throat. Instead, she reached her hands across the table, and Yuki, half-thinkingly, extended her own hands just far enough for their fingertips to slightly brush. She stopped herself a moment later - was that too close? Did she really know Shimmerlace enough to be doing something like that? But she straightened her back and cleared her throat as she listened to the girl continue, talking about how much of her life was bound up in the play of luck.

That was a thought that made Yuki bite the inside of her cheek. Was that really it? Could she train and hone her skills for years, striving onward and onward toward perfecting her craft - and then it still wouldn't matter in the end, because she just wasn't lucky enough? That was of little solace to Yuki when luck seemed like it was never on her side. How could she account for what she had no control over?

Yuki turned and looked off, her shoulders deflating as she let out a sigh. Maybe Shimmerlace was right. Maybe this was all completely out of her control, and she was falling flat because the fates so decreed it. Maybe she just had to make do with what she was dealt, but...that wasn't something Yuki was used to doing.

"I...guess you're right," Yuki sighed. "But that's not a question I have answers for. I don't...I don't really know what to do if things don't work out. Because I'm too used to assuming they will. And I guess that's what's blown up in my face. But...I'm not used to doing anything any differently. I don't have any practice doing this. I know how to wrestle...I don't know how to adapt."

Yuki's face paled. Shimmerlace might have tried to reassure her, but now, when she looked to the future, all she saw was an empty black void. She'd told herself that it'd all be okay; that she'd always have a future. That's how her life had worked so far. But Shimmerlace had reminded her that was just a lie she told herself to sleep better at night. And the reality was a thought Yuki didn't know how to confront.

Slowly, she turned her head to look back at Shimmerlace out of the corner of her eye. "...How do you do it?" It felt ridiculous that she would have to fall back on someone else to tell her how to live her life. But perhaps that was what she needed.